A Combination of Things

Brett Favre and Why ESPN Hates Sports and Will Not Rest Until They are Officially Ruined for Everyone

I didnt hate Brett Favre. I do now. Why? Because ESPN insists on convincing me he is the greatest human ever on the face of the planet. I dont think he is. How do you like that ESPN? Let me tell you that ESPN doesnt like that at all. So here’s a poll idiot masses. A certain majority of the population feels hes the greatest quarterback ever in the NFL and if hes the greatest quarterback in the history of the NFL and the NFL is the best thing that has ever been invented since the person who invented the person who invented the NFL then Brett Favre must be the human to end all humans.

And now he’s retiring. What the hell are we all going to do with ourselves. We have three options. 1) We can all move to Green Bay and start a cult in honor of Brett Favre. we will all cultivate a permanent partial beard on our faces and speak in southern accents. we will run around all day throwing touchdowns and picking each other up in fireman carries and then we will be interviewed by ESPN where we will say, “Maybe Ill retire Maybe I wont” a month later we will retire but retire for us means drinking Kool Aid laced-with rat poison, essentially doing for real what ESPN wants us to feel like is happening because Brett Favre is retiring. 2) We can pull up our boot straps and move on with our lives trying to carry on as best as we can all the while knowing there is a little hole in our souls where Brett Favre’s crusty old face used to be. 3) Who really cares about Brett Favre retiring!!!!! he plays football, he doesnt do anything of any real importance but we are treating him like America was being attacked by Nazis and he  vanquished them personally and alone. Captain America wanted to help out but Brett Favre brushed him off and said, “No thanks Cap. Me and my buddy Donald Driver an take it from here.” But he didnt. he didnt do anything. He played alot of football for 17 years and then he stopped. why do i need to watch hours of programming devoted to this. i just want some scores, i want a few highlights, i want Barry melrose breaking down hockey everyday instead of every six weeks. I want steven A smith screaming about Shaq and Lebron and KG until his head explodes and I want my football exclusively from Tom Jackson and John Clayton. If Outside the Lines and the Sports reporters are all about Brett Favre this week i am going to start pitching car parts off of an over pass until an ESPN news crew comes to cover the story.

This leads me to a greater question which is: what is ESPN’s problem. Why cant they just relax? they are aware that they arent a real news program right? They do know that there are more important things going on in the world than the NFL Draft and Brett Favre retiring and Cleveland Cavaliers games right? I mean they have to, dont they?

The answer to this question is they have no idea, and now apparently neither do you. and the only reason they treat sports this way is because you want them to. I dont know how it used to be, im only 25 years old, i grew up with ESPN so i have never known what its like to really look forward to a sporting event because its always been right in my face regardless of whether i wanted it there or not. I have always at all times been conscious of the fact that sports is a business and is a business above everything else that might be great about it. I love sports, i grew up loving sports and i hope my kids love sports but you have to have perspective about sports and ESPN doesnt have that and because ESPN doesnt have that we dont have it either. ESPN is a business, i get it, They want to make money, and they make money by having as many people ingest their product as possible. But does ESPN need a Disney weekend? Does it need a cell phone? Does it need to make crappy dramatic television series? the answer to all of these questions is no. Who wouldnt be sooooooo much happier if all ESPN was was ESPN news, Just scores, just highlights, some analysis but nothing you an really object to. No Mel Kiper. Ever. no Jay Bilas. NO NO NO!!!! Chris Bermann. Oh please god no more Chris Bermann, i just cannot take Chris Bermann anymore.

I think this is an easy request ESPN. Just relax. take it easy, have some perspective. I love sports but frankly i also love reading, watching movies and hanging out at my house doing nothing. I understand you want to make money but its obnoxious and not becoming of a tv channel at all. Let me be clear though, ESPN is 100x better than the YES network, but then again ESPN doesnt subject me to Michael Kaye.

Dont get me started on Michael Kaye.

Tags: ESPN