A Combination of Things

OneVoice April 12, 2008

There have been many a night where, after a long, hard day, my wife Laurie has slid under the covers and declared to no one in particular, “Whoever invented beds was a genius.”I simply cannot argue that point - the recuperative powers of a good-night sleep are amazing, and inventions that can so greatly improve our lives just cannot be underestimated.

To each of us, there are a number of similar inventions that have become such integral parts of our lives that we may take them for granted. So, I’ve tried to think of a few that I treasure and at least one that drives me crazy (and I encourage you to share some of your favorites as well):

Self-adhesive stamps and envelopes - paying bills is one of those chores that is never fun, but I can take a little bit of pleasure out of the fact that I don’t have to lick stamps before affixing them to the payment envelopes anymore. When I can also just remove the paper strip from a self-adhesive envelope, I’m in hog heaven. I wonder how my taste buds have been impacted by the reduction in envelope and stamp licking I now enjoy. That might be worth an application for a federal study grant.

Personal grooming equipment - is there anything more repellent than seeing someone who has an overabundance of nose hair or ear hair or Andy Rooney eyebrows (that could be used for the nesting of small birds)? Maybe this is just a pet peeve of mine, but I doubt it. Now, there are all manners of grooming equipment that we ourselves can use to remove that unsightly hair.

Brew pubs and sports bars - I know Laurie will never agree with this one, but you can almost never go wrong scheduling a night out at either a brew pub or a sports bar (and, if you can go to a place that combines the two together, you’ve achieved perfection). I admire the ability of a good brewmaster who can craft a tasty ale. To combine that pleasure with the sporting event of your fancy, and you’re approaching nirvana. Add some food and a few companions, and you’re talking about a great time for all.

We shouldn’t forget, though, that there are many evil geniuses among us as well. Case in point - the person who invented mail order catalogs. Do you remember when there were only one or two, and, as long as one was the Sears Christmas Wish Book, you were OK? These days, Laurie gets the equivalent of four or five Wish Books a month, and all they do is to encourage her to buy more stuff, or, worse yet, give her more ideas. Trust me, Laurie doesn’t need more ideas (or more stuff) - she’s already got a Tupperware container full of “ideas” she’s ripped out of catalogs and magazines.

I keep hoping one of Laurie’s ideas will become the next great invention, like her macaroni and cheese recipe. Now that’s genius!