A Combination of Things

Some of the “benefits” of riding mass transit into Manhattan during the work week are the things you see that you would never imagine seeing otherwise … and this is during rush hour.  I don’t even want to think about what I could see late at night or in the wee hours of the morning.  I could do a whole column just on the music you get to hear in the NYC subway system, but I’ll save that for another day.  For this column, I’ll just focus on some of the other interesting sights and sounds.

Remember in the first Airplane movie where Robert Stack strides through the airport and is accosted by representatives from a bunch of religious groups?  Well, they don’t line up like that in the subways, but they are still around.  Some, like Jews for Jesus and the Maryknoll folks, just try to hand you material as you’re walking by.  On Fridays, if I end up in the right part of GCT, I get to see a handful of people saying the rosary.  My favorite is the lady who “testifies” for all to hear just after going through the turnstile at Grand Central.  She usually doesn’t quote scripture - she just lets you know you have no chance of being saved without accepting Jesus as your lord and savior in a voice that can be heard all the way to Times Square.

And speaking of being heard all the way to Times Square, I don’t know what was up with the woman who was cursing out the MetroCard machine yesterday.  I swear she thought someone was actually in the machine, purposely making her life miserable.  All I know is I didn’t want to find out what she would do next if the machine didn’t comply.

Panhandlers are also a source of amusement, some because they are really funny and others because they are really sad.  There’s one guy who travels the Lexington line, “trying to be funny” so he can “bring home some milk and honey” for his two daughters and one son.  How do I know that?  Well, he tells us everytime while singing (OK), making jokes (”I can speak French - French fries, French bread”), or imitating the sound of the subway bell that rings before the doors close, and he can do both the old style trains and the newer models.

Not so funny is Teddy, who rides the PATH train “collecting food … for the homeless”.  He pauses between saying “food” and “for the homeless” as if to add more weight.  If you’ve heard him often enough, though, it’s just funny in a sad way.

A few weeks ago, I saw a new way of panhandling - gymnastics!  Yes, on a thankfully empty L train car, three young men proceeded to flip, tumble and vault without injuring any passengers.  After applauding themselves, they started asking for money.

Come to think of it, it was right before the Olympics.  Maybe they just caught the Olympic spirit.